and I was a follower of your preaching, then I chose to go back on that and suppress my conscience that has just awoken now as I am writing to you&hellip;.. <br />
<br />
What saddens me most is the fact that you are a target of so many fatwas and prosecution because you speak the truth with courage, whilst those that abuse and prosecute you solicit my fatwas which I offer to them knowing they are wrong. But if <br />
I were to tell them the truth they will become my fiercest enemies and I might end up detained and accused of denying Sunna and being contemptuous of religion like you were. And perhaps I will fall victim to the torture I witnessed and could not rid my memory of to the present day. <br />
<br />
My teacher, <br />
I live in a luxurious apartment and have purchased land for another building for the future. As well as land for cultivation at a very cheap price thanks to my acquaintances and influence, as I have become a member of a society formed by influential people with the aim of abusing their influence to buy public owned land with the cheapest price. After which it is divided up and resold ten times fold its original price. <br />
My presence in this society along other religious leaders facilitates the tasks of the society, and reassures its wealthy owners that what they do is right&hellip;.. <br />
I know that we are very important to this company because of our clerical posts and religious influence, just as I know that we take the crumbs whilst the high ranking lords trade in millions and we cannot oppose them least they send us to prison, with or without, a reason. <br />
<br />
My teacher, <br />
Please do not ask me to retreat. <br />
How can I possibly retreat and my influence has become great in the region and my children at the best educational institutions&hellip;.I am even encouraged to step forward for parliamentary elections&hellip;! This is an offer I might take up to defend myself just like others do. You cannot imagine the income I receive every day. Donations are non-stop and there is no supervision over them. I do not know if one can have a more comfortable life than me especially with the increasing cost of living they talk about! <br />
In fact how can I retreat knowing that they will put me in prison and I will be subject to the torture I witnessed and could never get over! <br />
<br />
My teacher, <br />
I own all that I want but have lost the most precious thing&hellip;myself&hellip; <br />
<br />
Please do not be angry with me. <br />
<br />
I wish to utilize this moment of truth, as I am writing to you, to admit the truth and regain the clean human being in me. Alas, my fears of torture and humiliation after what I have known of luxury and honoring forbids me from correction and repentance. <br />
I am undoubtedly in the wrong and do not defend myself. I bear the full responsibility and deserve God's curse for not speaking the truth. But I am certain that the worst form of oppression and curse is in the share of those who control us and intimidate us with torture. I mean the police regime that rules us. This regime that rides on us- the preachers- and forces us to glorify it and distract peoples' attention from truth. <br />
This regime rides on us whilst we ride on people. We tell them lies and keep quiet on the truth. <br />
<br />
By the way, the expression of &quot;the rider and the ridden&quot; is not of my own creation&hellip;it actually comes from the Head of Preachers in our Municipality. He is a nice man and a friend. Once, during a friendly gathering between us we mentioned you and he acknowledged that you were right and that all people know that but care more for high posts and the fear of a destiny like yours makes them back off. He once told me: &quot;did you know that our interests actually lie with the Muslim Brotherhood more than they do with the government!&quot; I said: how is that? He said: &quot;because the regime rides us and we ride people. But if the Muslim Brotherhood comes to power we- with them- will ride people together. I.e. people will always be abused and only the rider is better than the ridden. This expression has become a secret code between us. <br />
<br />
My teacher, <br />
I am sure that you agree with me that the real criminals are those who are riding the entire country and its people. Whoever tries revolting against them to regain his dignity is subdued with torture and made an example to the rest of us. <br />
In this way we are between two options: prison, torture, humiliation and loss of work or we go along the streamline, agree and be hypocrites whilst they ride on us in either case willingly or by force. <br />
<br />
You would probably tell me to leave the country and migrate&hellip;but I wonder where to? To Arab countries which are all the same? Or to Western countries that shut their doors in our faces? We have no way out my dear teacher&hellip;and I have chosen to stay in Egypt ridden by the regime and riding thousands of people. <br />
<br />
My teacher, <br />
I don't sleep! <br />
I had read an article for you about the certainty of torture in this life before the hereafter for people like me, and this is true in our lives just like in the movies. This punishment that awaits me scares me. I imagine myself and my family all of a sudden after a car crash and we are all living on wheel chairs for the rest of our lives. I imagine myself paralyzed or with cancer, all alone and broken to see my children wasting and I am unable to help them. In fact I need their help! I imagine the big corrupted people that I work for now defeated by their opponents and find myself with them in prison!!! In fact this entire regime is getting ready to depart leaving the poor people like us before an unknown future!! Whilst these lords have prepared for this day by laundering their money and smuggling it abroad, we do not enjoy such privileges!... i.e. our destiny could be prison if Hosni Mubarak's son does not inherit the presidency after his father&hellip;in fact we might even go into prison if he wished to polish his image by sacrificing people like us and making us an easy target for media blaming us rightly and wrongly for everything&hellip;. <br />
<br />
This is how I live between anxiety over the future, fear of present and remorse whenever it awakes. Currently it's constantly judging me for betraying trust. <br />
<br />
My teacher, <br />
My heart is heavy with worries and my conscience is full of pain&hellip;. <br />
And I do not sleep&hellip;and this is why I am writing to you and beg you to not answer me&hellip;! <br />
I am writing to you, simply, to ease off the burden of pain I carry with me&hellip;&quot; </p>